Crashing through my comfort zone
I really don't want to complain, but I will. I had a very tough December. I am usually pretty good at anything work related and I always get done what I need to do. Or I used to until mid December when I came to a complete stop. I was trying to finish things up before my son came home on leave from the Navy and the holiday craziness was in full swing. I sent out multiple emails to people I needed to get back to and all 3 of my email address outgoing servers were hung up. Although my cell phone email was fine, I could not send anything out from work computer at all so I knew it was my computer. I tried (and tried) to fix it but I just could not get it to work. All of my email addresses worked from my phone so how come not my computer? Ugh! I moved on to Quickbooks where I found an error I had made but I could not figure out how to fix it. I tried all my usual tricks but nothing worked. I called support but I found them to be little help so I continued to work unsuccessfully at it on my own until one day I could no longer even log in. I tried typing in my info but it said it was an incorrect password. I let my computer fill in the password and again, a no go. I changed the password and tried again and got locked out for over 24 hours! One day I spent 5 hours at my desk trying to fix all of these things and I wasn't able to fix any of it. Not one damn problem. The last straw was when my phone started acting up. My fairly new iPhone kept randomly freezing and I would have to shut it off and turn it back on until to get it going again. One day when it froze, it started to shut itself down and continued shutting down until the battery died. I just watched it unable to do a thing. I had to take a trip to Apple only to be told my phone was fine but I needed to reload my software manually. Ugh! I was so frustrated that I wanted to put my head down on my desk and cry. I connected with my Guides to ask why this was happening to me. I was told to walk away from work and pay attention to what was in front of me. They said I was hiding behind my business and it had to stop. Right now was a time for me to wind down and be present with family and friends. I heard that there was nothing in my business that couldn't wait until the end of the year. At first I resisted. Working is my comfort zone. Up until now I was very comfortable with most things work related so it gave me the illusion I was in control (and I really like being in control). But once I really thought about it I actually was relieved to get the message because it felt like I was given permission to step back and stop pushing so hard. I needed permission because I have had trouble cutting myself any slack at all. I realized at a deep level while I am very good at taking care of those around me, I am not so good at taking care of myself. I acknowledged I was really tired and had been feeling worn out for some time but I have a tendency to push though ignoring how I feel. I took the message to heart and I left my office and all of its problems until the end of the year. I enjoyed my son's visit, virtually uninterrupted and had a great holiday season with the rest of my family and friends. On December 30th I sat back at my desk and I am sure you are not surprised to hear my mail servers were functioning again. I got right in to Quickbooks and in no time I was finally able to fix the problem that I had caused myself. My phone issues were gone. I had the most productive day I had in a long time without pushing at all. What a great day! No crisis happened because I wasn't in my office "doing things". I didn't miss a beat. So now things are back to a new normal. I am now really listening and paying attention to how I feel in body, mind and spirit. If something doesn't feel right I'm not going to do it. When I am tired I am taking a step back to take care of myself. This allows me to spend my time on things I really want to do. Now that I have more time for me I find myself moving in a direction I hadn't realized was even a possibility. I am open and ready for the change it is bringing. It only took crashing me out of my comfort zone to see it!